Dammit
by NaleyWriter23
Summary: Haley James imagines a life she almost had.


**As the title suggests, this new one-shot is based on Jana Kramer's new song "Dammit." If you haven't heard it yet, I highly suggest you give it a listen. It's insanely good and I can't stop listening to it, so of course I had to write a Naley version.**

 **I'm really (oddly) happy with how this came out. I love when my stories write themselves, and it just so happened that this one did. I didn't include this one in Naley Songs because I wanted it to stand alone. Anyway, I hope you love it, too. Let me know what you think :)**

. . .

With two steady hands on the steering wheel, Haley James slowly turned her car down Grace Street and tried not to sigh. She hated driving through the streets of Tree Hill; it was too painful. There were too many ghosts waiting, watching, and taunting her— signs of what was, what could've been, hiding around every corner. If she could, she would drive with her eyes closed until the 'Now Leaving Tree Hill' sign was just a speck in her rearview mirror.

Unfortunately, she promised Brooke she'd stop by to visit her and the twins, which meant she could no longer avoid the sleepy little town. And, like always, there were endless reminders of everything Haley had given up— everything she could have had.

She saw the For Sale sign, first. It was difficult not to slam on the brakes of her old Toyota and simply gawk at the pristine white picket fence and perfectly parallel pillars lining along the porch. The house was beautiful, there was no denying that.

When the car behind her started honking, Haley made the swift decision to pull over and park in front of the two-story home. 'What the hell?' she thought and mentally prepared herself before stepping out onto the sidewalk and slowly making her way to the front door. If the house was for sale, that meant people could go inside and tour.

She figured she could give-in and entertain the thoughts of what life would have been like with Nathan Scott, even if it were for only a few minutes.

The black painted door was a crisp contrast with the white siding of the home; Haley immediately pictured herself walking through it with an arm load of groceries, Nathan rushing up to help her carry the bags into the kitchen.

An audible gasp tore through her throat when she wandered into the large entry-way. The solid oak wood floors were polished and the walls were painted a pastel yellow, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere. She truly felt like she was home.

Just past the entry-way was the living room, where two beige couches rested parallel to a grand fireplace with a large television mounted above it. A smile pulled at her lips as Haley gently sank onto one of the couch's cushions. Nathan would have probably wanted an even bigger tv, but she suddenly imagined some college basketball game on the screen. He would be next to her, a beer in one hand, his other arm draped around her shoulders, both smiling. He'd grumble about a foul and Haley would munch on a handful of popcorn in-between taking sips of her White Zinfandel.

Haley didn't even have to see the rest of the house for her mind to wander further. An image of a shirtless Nathan standing in the kitchen popped into her head. Her smiled stretched wider and a wetness poked at her eyes. He'd hum a song out-of-tune and playfully pick at her guitar strings. She'd stand there, laughing, before he'd get up and pull her close. They'd dance barefoot in front of the refrigerator light. She'd sing to the sound of his humming and wander deep into his blue eyes until she couldn't find where they ended or where they began.

Haley's mind, already in overdrive, continued the fantasy she and Nathan always dreamed about; how they'd have Lucas, Peyton, Brooke and Julian over for barbecues in the summer. She would ask him to hang up the strings of lantern lights along the back deck and they'd sit beneath them, laughing, loving, kissing, dreaming.

Dammit. They almost had it. Honestly, she still doesn't understand it. They used to love to sit, talk and wish, and picture and plan it.

She can't count how many nights in high school, or alone in their dorms at Duke, where they discussed their future together. They wanted it all; marriage, kids, the white picket-fence. Hell, even a dog.

It was all she ever wanted. A life with him— a life as Mrs. Scott. But where did it all go wrong? He said he wanted it, too. But in the end, maybe it wasn't enough.

She blinked hard. A tear escaped from the corner of her eye, trickling down her sunburnt cheek. Then another one fell. This one, faster. Before she knew it, she was full on sobbing. In a strangers house, no less.

An older woman approached Haley tentatively, a small, easy smile on her lips. Haley wiped furiously at her cheeks, overcome with embarrassment that the owner caught her having a meltdown.

"Are you alright, dear?"

Haley cleared her throat and abruptly stood from the couch, awkwardly attempting to smooth the wrinkles from her dress. She grasped desperately for a sign of semblance and composure.

"I'm fine, I was just, um… looking around. You have a beautiful house."

The woman, who Haley guessed was in her mid-sixties, smiled. Haley instantly felt better. The long, exaggerated lines around her mouth suggested years of happiness. Her hair was short and colored somewhere in-between grey and blonde. A strand of pearls hung around her neck. She was still an attractive woman, and the blue in her eyes pulled Haley's brown gaze in for a hug.

"Thank you. Tom and I spent almost 40 years here. The kids are all long gone now, so we figure it's time to down-size. These old knees can't seem to handle the stairs any longer."

Haley laughed softly but remained wordless.

"Well, you just go ahead and make yourself at home. I'm Caroline by the way. You let me know if you need anything, alright?"

Haley's smile mirrored Caroline's and she nodded with appreciation. "Thank you. I'm Haley."

"It's lovely to meet you, Haley."

"Likewise."

Caroline gave her one more smile before she went back into the kitchen. Haley's legs remained rooted to the floors, but her mind started to travel— following Caroline into the big, sunny kitchen.

In there, she saw herself cooking dinner. Prime ribs with a side of mac 'n' cheese. The grand staircase, which separated the living room and the kitchen, lead to the second floor. She imagined calling up to Nathan, saying the food was ready.

Haley's gaze wandered again towards the back window. Her heart clenched tightly. In her fantasy, there was a little girl running through the grass, giggling loudly enough that it penetrated through the walls. Brown eyes and sandy blonde hair with gentle waves that matched her own honey brown tendrils. Their daughter; who Nathan always told her that he desperately wanted.

 _"_ _I want to look into her eyes and feel my heart break because she reminds me so much of her strong, beautiful, and kind mother."_

His words now echo like an endless soundtrack through her mind. She feels the tears start to prickle again, but she blinks and they begin to dissipate.

"Dammit," Haley inhales sharply. It's all too much. What was she thinking coming in here?

The four bedroom, picket-fence magic could never be theirs, could it? Dammit. They could have had it so damn good.

"Haley?" Caroline's voice pulls her from her trance and she turns to find the older woman offering her a glass of water.

"Thank you," she replies shakily. Her hand matches her tone and she nearly drops the glass. Before she can stop herself, she's talking again. "I'd like to buy this house."

"Oh," Caroline's smile drops with regret. "I'm sorry, dear. We just had someone put in an offer today. It's no longer on the market."

"Right," Haley's teeth sink into her lips. She tries to hold herself together again but her shoulders fall. "Of course."

"Are you and your family looking for a big house? I know a similar home for sale on Front street."

Haley's cheeks flame with heat. What was she thinking? She couldn't afford this house even if she wanted to. And four bedrooms? She lived alone now. There was no need for all this space.

"No, I'm just being ridiculous. I think I got caught-up in playing house today. I'm sorry for troubling you, ma'am."

"You've been no trouble at all. I'm just sorry you didn't come sooner."

Haley shook her head, "really, it's okay. A nice family deserves to live here."

The crinkles around Caroline's lips grew more prominent. "Actually, the young man who bought the place might still be out back with Tom. He's already installing a basketball hoop."

 _"_ _And it has to have a basketball hoop, Hales. So I can teach our son, too."_

 _"_ _Just how many kids do you think we're having?"_

 _"_ _I don't know? Five? Six? Ten?"_

 _"_ _Alright, well that basketball hoop is going to have to be under a window where I can watch you play. Preferably shirtless."_

 _"_ _You've got yourself a deal, Haley James."_

"Sounds nice," Haley mused. She hoped whoever bought the place would be as happy as she and Nathan once imagined they'd be.

"Here they come now," Caroline announced, inadvertently adding to Haley's anxiety. She knew she had to leave, and soon. The last thing she wanted was for the new family who bought the place to see her crying over some pathetic fantasy. "Let me at least introduce to my husband before you go."

"Is that your wife?" Tom's voice carried through the kitchen. Haley's back was to them, but she froze. Talk about awkward. "She sure is a beauty."

A man's laughter echoed through the house as they got closer. "Nah, I'm single."

"What the hell did you buy such a big house for, then?" Tom quipped.

"Just wishful thinking, I guess."

Haley's heart slammed loud against her chest; the sound echoing through her ears like glass shattering on concrete. She knew that voice. It sent chills down her spine. Suddenly, she was afraid to turn around. Maybe this was all just a dream? Maybe when she opened her now clenched eyes, she'd wake up in her bed back in her apartment on the cusp of Wilmington.

"Tom. This is Haley. She was just stopping by to look at the house."

Haley's eyes reluctantly peeled open. She was still standing in the house. Not her bedroom. This was not a dream.

And Nathan Scott was standing directly in front of her.

"Hi, Hales."

Rendered speechless, she blinked. Still not a dream. Caroline and Tom were standing on either side of her and Nathan's bright blue eyes didn't stray from her face for a single second.

"Nathan," she gasped.

"Do you two know each other?" Caroline laughed lightly. She picked up on their chemistry the second Nathan's eyes landed on the petite, beautiful woman beside her.

"We were engaged," Nathan answered wistfully. His tone didn't indicate harshness, but rather, hope.

"Oh," Tom coughed. "Well…"

"We'll give you two some privacy," Caroline hurriedly responded and grabbed hold of her husband to pull him into the kitchen.

Haley's lips parted. She could not yet form words.

"It's so good to see you. God, you look so beautiful," Nathan smiled. It took everything in him not to reach out and run his hands through her hair. He knew when he walked into the living room, something about the woman standing with her back towards him seemed familiar. His eyes had secretly settled on her ass and he smirked.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Haley whispered.

"Honestly? I was driving by the other day when I saw this place," he licked his dry lips, "it reminded me of the times we'd talk for hours. You know, lying under the stars and dreaming about the future. You said you always wanted a house with a picket fence and pillars on the porch. I just… I wanted to see the inside so Tom and Caroline showed me around and I knew I had to buy it. I know it's crazy, but God, Hales, I miss you so much and—,"

He was cut off by the feeling of her lips pressing against his. They melted together as one.

Haley really hadn't heard a word he said other than 'I knew I had to buy it' and 'I miss you so much.' She missed him too, every single damn day since they separated almost a year ago. She couldn't move on. The thought of him wanting to settle down with someone else made her sick, but the fact that he still wanted it all with her was enough to send her body plunging into his. Their lips synchronized into a familiar dance, and neither made any move to pull away.

"I miss you, too," she whispered.

His grip on her waist tightened. Now that he had her in his arms again, he never wanted to let go.

"What are you doing here?" It was his turn to ask.

She blushed and began to fidget nervously in his embrace. "I drove by and thought the same things you did. I guess I just couldn't help but wonder about what could have been."

"We could still have it all, you know," he whispered. The sound of his voice sent another row of chills down her spine. Her grip on his shoulders actually tightened so that she wouldn't fall.

She smiled and hid her tears behind her hand, "Did you really buy this house, Nathan?"

"I did," he nodded. "Were you planning on buying it, too?"

"I wanted to," she admitted shyly, unable to meet his intense gaze. "I want… I still want you Nathan. I want the kids and the dog and—,"

"I do, too. I want it more than anything."

"Is that why you bought this place?"

"Yes," he squeezed her hand, silently willing her to find his eyes again. "A part of me was wishing that if I did, we could still get our always and forever," he admitted shyly.

"We can," Haley swore. "And we will."

Nathan beamed down at her and lifted her body in his arms to spin her around, "I love you, so much."

She giggled through her tears, "I love you, too."

"I'll get the camera," Tom chuckled as he and his wife stood watching the couple kiss in the living room.

"My mascara is running, now," Caroline said, wiping at her wet cheeks. "Dammit."


End file.
